Dear Deeks
by lovedaniruah
Summary: A somewhat AU. (this might happen in the future, based on teasers). Deeks goes back to the LAPD for some unknown reason, and Kensi writes him a letter. One shot, but may become a two or three shot.


_Deeks,_

_I don't know why I decided to send you a letter. It seems very strange, considering it's me, and I'm not a very old fashioned person. But I felt like this would be very romantic, especially following the kiss on the ice._

_I don't want you to leave. And please tell me the truth about this. Don't make this like it was 4 years ago. I was in the dark, all that time, and don't make me hurt more than I am now._

_Why now, Deeks? I know we have terrible communication skills, but just once, once, open up to me. As kids. Max and Fern, sitting in your old pickup truck, holding hands, and telling each other everything, about each other, our past, everything._

_Take Hetty's advice, "The past is just that, it's the past. Today is what matters." I don't always follow that myself, but I try. And it helps._

_They don't care about you. You're the clown there, the stupid cop that no one knows, that no one except this team has unlocked. Have they been there when you were tortured? How about when- I think you get it._

_Today, when I saw you leave your papers on the desk, my eyes couldn't stop tearing. Because the man I loved most, was leaving the job he loved most. I don't want to know that some other maniac is "having your back." because I know they're not really. They don't have the same vibe we do._

_No one spoke when you left. And Hetty had to hand our case over to the other team because we were so off._

_I can't stand looking at your desk and not seeing you cracking jokes, or talking about that romantic comedy we saw last night. And I don't want to come home at different times, and I don't want to not be able to talk about the case we had that day, or something big that happened._

_And I don't want to let you go, and have you come back in a box._

_I know it's hard, but what are partners for?_

_Yours always,_

_Kensi Marie Blye._

_Girlfriend and best friend of Marty Deeks (who is hopefully not crying his ass off like you did during that movie. That's right, I know those weren't tears from yawning.:) )_

* * *

><p>"Kens, you okay?" asked Sam, as Kensi closed up the letter. It was the end of a long day at Ops. The departure of their teammate, and it hit Kensi the hardest.<p>

"No." said Kensi, crossing her arms, leaning back in her chair and looked at her friend, who was more like the older brother she never had. Sam smiled a sad smile, and opened up his arms.

"Come on, Kensi. I know you need it." said Sam. Kensi looked at him, and slowly got up and sighed as he embraced her.

She didn't know why tears came creeping up on her, and her throat started to feel clogged. "Sam, I-I just... don't... kn-know w-w-w..."

"I don't know either." he said, lightly stroking her head, as though she was his daughter. He looked down at his little sister, whose face had light tears coming out of her mismatched eyes. "But we need to just be there for him, okay?"

Kensi nodded slightly, and wiped her tears away. "It's just... I don't want to loose him, Sam. I had no choice with Dom, but now I do with him, and I don't want to loose him. I'd lock him in my basement so that he wouldn't get hurt."

"But wouldn't he not have your back?" asked Sam, smiling lightly. Kensi laughed bit. He pinched her cheek lightly. "Don't worry, Kens. He'll come back. You want to go for drinks with us?"

Kensi looked at her partner's desk, and then at Sam. "No thanks. I'm just going to go home."

"Kens, you sure?" asked Sam.

She nodded, grabbing her old bag from her chair. "Thanks, Sam." she said, quickly dodging him.

* * *

><p>Home wasn't home without Deeks. Today, they'd be sitting together on the couch, as they'd joke and laugh over beer.<p>

But instead, Kensi was alone, and drinking one of her dad's old bourbons. He had at least twenty other bottles everywhere. Her mother's house, hers, the bank even. She poured herself a glass and sank into her beige couch.

"God, Deeks. Why did you have to do this to me?" she said, running her hands through her loose hair. She smelled the bourbon's rich smell, and it reminded her of when she was fixing up her dad's old car in the garage, or when they were building that cabinet, her dad would take a glass and drink it, and sometimes, when she was a teenager, she'd always steal a sip.

If only he was here... she'd call him. He'd help her, and they'd talk. All the time. If only Deeks joined NCIS in the first place, if only... if only...

* * *

><p>He wasn't there that next day. LAPD shit.<p>

"Kens, you okay?" asked Callen, noticing his friend looking at her partner's empty desk.

"Fine." she stated blandly, not even making eye contact. They had a case that day. Marine mixed up in some stupid drug situation. Kensi was so off, she almost got herself killed, and almost blew her cover by almost stating, "Why'd he go back to Bates?"

At the end of that day, she trudged back to her desk, and before Callen and Sam could catch up to her, she ran out the back. She put her back against the old brick wall, whose yellow paint was badly chipping.

She took a deep breathe, and thought back to two nights ago.

_Midnight slowly crept upon them as Kensi and Deeks finished their movie, and slumped into bed together. His arms around her, her hand on his chest, feeling every breath he made. _

_She couldn't sleep at all, so she spent her time looking at him. Studying his features. His jaw, his light scars that were mostly forgotten about, and his scruffy cheeks. She missed him when he slept. She missed him when they were apart. _

_Kensi knew she caught the love bug, but she didn't care. She was happy, and hoped that nothing would ruin it. _

_Obviously, Kensi's wishes didn't make it to the shooting star. _

**_A weird little one shot. It is partially an AU, but Eric Christian Olsen gave a little teaser on an interview we saw, (Deeks goes back to the LAPD because something from his past comes up, causing his relationship with Kensi to "change". ) Can't wait!_**

**_Hope you enjoyed, and remember, your reads, reviews, follows and faves, are always appreciated. _**


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